Fancy that!
by k8ec
Summary: And you thought it was difficult to get Jack to do something he didn't want to do...?


**Fancy That!**

_Set: Early Season 7 - during _'Homecoming'_ but before Daniel formally rejoins SG-1._

_Spoilers: None_

_Rated: K+_

_Disclaimer: SG1, the SGC & sundry personnel belong to MGM, Gekko and the actors who so wonderfully portray the characters. I just get to play _

_with them for a short while (cries forlornly into pillow)._

**A/N: **This was an experiment to see whether or not I could write a **coherent** story using _only_ conversation. Hopefully it works!

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"NO!"

"It's a one-off, never-to-be-repeated opportunity - _**AND**_ it's at the express request of the President himself!"

"Uh uh! Nope! Not a chance!"

"Oh fer cryin' out loud! If _I_ can do it _you_ certainly can!"

"Not going to happen. Not in a million years!"

"I believe General Hammond himself organized the theme for the evening."

"It wouldn't matter if Howard Carter and Lord Carnarvon themselves asked me to do it, I'm not changing my mind!"

"But the invitation is from the President of the United States!"

"So?"

"Look, if you won't attend for that reason - and a very BIG reason it is too - what about the opportunity to observe the native inhabitants of Washington in a traditional ceremony with full … tribal regalia … and stuff? Surely that appeals to you?"

"Besides Daniel, I bet the White House has the best coffee around. The General said they were even getting some blue jello in especially for me!"

"That's all very nice for you Sam, but I draw the line at the … the… _Fancy Dress_ I have to wear!"

"We're all getting dressed up, Daniel. Janet's wearing a dress and even I'm wearing a ball gown! For the first time in I can't remember how long, I'm not able to see my legs! Plus you _know_ how the Colonel _hates_ getting dressed up on his own!"

"Indeed, Daniel Jackson."

"Well if _you're_ all dressed up, Jonas and Janet are all dressed up and even _Teal'c_ is dressed up, then Jack shouldn't have to worry about whether or not I am, now should he?"

"OY! Daniel, for once and for all, get it through your head that you getting appropriately geared up is _**not optional!**_ You _will _wear it!"

"**NO . I . WON'T!**"

"Is there a problem here, people? Because from the _volume_ being generated from this room, it sure seems there is one! Need I remind you that the limousine from the White House will be arriving in thirty minutes time, and I trust you will _all_ be ready to leave immediately it arrives?"

"Yes Sir, General. We're just trying to convince Daniel here that he has to wear the same as the rest of us."

"Is there something wrong with the sizing, Dr. Jackson?"

"_Er_… No Sir. Not the size _per se_, just … I _really_ don't feel comfortable like this! Couldn't I just wear my own suit?"

"Son, you can get dressed voluntarily in the clothes provided, or I can order Colonel O'Neill to get in there and 'assist' you! Now which do you think you'd prefer?"

"Um … well … um… when you put it that way, Sir, I guess I can work it out on my own."

"That's what I thought! Colonel, you have my express permission to use whatever means necessary to see that everyone is ready and waiting in the lobby at nineteen hundred hours on the dot. Am I clear?"

"Yes Sir! … You hear that Daniel? 'Whatever means necessary!' … If you don't get out here in two minutes, I'm sending Carter and the Doc in there to help you get dressed!"

"You know Jack, you really do possess a mean streak the size of Texas!"

"One minute forty seconds and counting …!"

"I believe Daniel Jackson is ready to emerge, O'Neill."

"Well, whaddaya waitin' for, Daniel! Come on out!"

"…!"

"Holy Hannah! Janet tell me you've got this on tape! Just be sure to get the rear view as well!"

"_Grrrrrrrr!_ You betcha! Am I _so_ gonna make a killin' on this!"

"Don't you _dare_ show that to anyone outside this room!"

"Er… you look very nice Dr Jacks…er…Daniel. What was the problem with the clothes?"

"Indeed, DanielJackson! The garments suit you very well."

"Who knew you could scrub up so well, Danny? The contacts even let your baby blues shine out for once! Though with a face that colour, maybe we should have dressed you as an Indian brave instead of D'Artagnan!"

"Very funny, Jack! Why did _**I**_ have to be D'Artagnan? I could have gone as myself, and you'd still have had the Three Musketeers, Cardinal Richelieu, Constance and Milady de Winter!"

"Ah, but everyone knows D'Artagnan is the hero of the story!"

"And he has more lives than anyone but you!"

"And he is the youngest."

"Jonas is younger than me!"

"Only by one year! And anyway, I have an injured arm. It wouldn't suit D'Artagnan."

"So who are the rest of you guys dressed as then?"

"I believe O'Neill to be Athos, Jonas Quinn is Porthos and I am Aramis."

"And Janet is Constance and I'm Milady de Winter!"

"And kids, that buzzing noise you here is my alarm telling me we need to hoof it if we're to make it to the foyer to meet Cardinal Richelieu! You know how dangerous the General …er…_Archbishop_ can be if aggravated! Milady? May I escort you to your carriage?"

"You are too kind, my gallant Athos!"

"I'll leave the rest of you gentlemen to fight over who gets to escort me!"

"I think that would be my job, Janet. After all, Constance and D'Artagnan were … um…"

"Sweethearts?"

"Er … well maybe more keen on each other, really. It never got the chance to develop further as Constance was killed by Milady as part of a plot to …"

"Daniel, do you think we could go one night without a lecture on some aspect of history?"

"I don't know Jack, can we?"

"So who is the Duke of Buckingham?"

"Davis"

"Paul? Really? He agreed to that?"

"Yes, Daniel. Even the uptight Major Davis agreed more easily than you!"

"Sir!"

"Jack, play nice!"

"Yeah, well … OH! We have to do this at least once before we leave … you ready? On the count of three, …one…two…three!"

"ALL FOR ONE, AND ONE FOR ALL!"

"Alright then!"

"Come on, Daniel. Try not to let the door hit you on the way out!"

*SIGH* "I'm coming Jack. I'm coming …"

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